Why Do We Still Hold On To "Toxic" Values?
How society influences interpersonal dynamics
Some traditional Filipino cultural values are now considered “toxic.” Hiya is interpreted as shame and is often weaponized to suppress the authentic expression of individual identity. Utang na loob, which refers to a debt of gratitude, has become a moral obligation to repay favors that, for most cases, we didn’t even ask for. As we move into a more “modern” world filled with “empowered” individuals, did we, as a culture, change? Or was it our society that changed into something that doesn’t allow for these values to flourish?
Cultures emerge from the interaction of people with their environment. What we “value” as a culture are traits that have historically helped us in our social evolution. But the old values that promote collaboration and mutual accountability are too soft for a new world of ulterior motives and transactional relationships.
Our society today operates with a Kaniya-Kaniya (To Each Their Own) mentality. We prioritize production and consumption, and anyone who can’t catch up are called “lazy,” “dysfunctional,” and “undisciplined.” You are held totally responsible for the trajectory of your own life, which also means that you only get to blame yourself for your own failures. This of course conveniently ignores the fact that the pathways to success are way more convenient for certain types of people. Their ancestors made it specifically for them, but forced everyone else to use it too. Now, we suffer the anxiety that comes from the societal pressure to achieve something, if we are ever to become “somebody.” Alain de Botton called this “Status Anxiety.”
The Kaniya-Kaniya mentality insists on the inherent uniqueness and supposed equality of all people, enticing us with the reward of comfort and luxury that can only be achieved if we participate in the vicious, inhumane competition of a “dog-eat-dog” “rat race.” We have become so separated from each other, like islands scattered in the sea. But, we must remember, as the poet-philosopher Albert Alejo said, when we go deep into the waters, we’ll find that these islands are actually connected underneath. Reflection, he said, could become a form of solidarity.1
The notion that Filipino cultural values are “toxic” must be read in the context of a society that forces us to compete for and hoard limited resources. If we see these old values as “too soft” or “lacking in boundaries,” we must take a step back and ask ourselves: Does our society force us to be cold, ruthless, and hard? Does our society force us to be constantly suspicious about ulterior motives?
Now, is it really the cultural value that is “toxic,” or is it the society we’re in that doesn’t allow for it to flourish? Do we throw these values away as “useless”? Or do we resist the hardness and isolation by opening up, holding space, and nourishing each other?
We are now faced with a choice: either we accept the alienation and status anxiety that comes with a system where to be “valuable” means to be “profitable,” or we reclaim hope by returning to the “Tayo” (together) worldview. In this way, hiya is not just “shame” but social sensitivity. In the Tayo worldview, utang na loob is not just transactional but collaborative: we ask, then, what it is that we truly “owe” each other, as human beings.
More Resources
Albert Alejo, Loob as Relational Interiority: A Contribution to the Philosophy of the Human Person (Translated by Julia E. Riddle), 2018.